Male Friendships

Male Friendships. 

5 Things i've learned about Brolationships.

At the age of 28, I left everyone I had ever known and immigrated to Australia from South Africa. Every friendship, relationship and acquaintance was now 7000 miles due west. I didn't know a single person on this continent, nor had I ever visited. I faced a challenge of trying to open up and make brand new friends.

It's been one hell of a year, and I've made some amazing mates whilst over here. These are the tips that I found most useful on my own journey. 

Meaningful male friendship can make a huge impact on the quality of your overall happiness and social wellbeing, It has become increasingly difficult in our ‘connected’ world dominated by social media to make authentic new friendships.

Here are 5 tips to make new mates, or strengthen your existing relationships.

#1 - Understand the 4 Factors of friendship.

There are 4 primary factors of any relationship. 

Proximity
Frequency
Duration
Intensity

They explain why we often form strong friendships with the people we work with, the ones we train with and the men that we see often.

This is also why we often fall ‘out of friendship’ with the guys that we don’t spend much time with anymore. Out of sight truly is, out of mind.

Read the four factors again and apply them in hindsight to some of your closest mates, or your current or past relationships. The relevance will come to you.

Leverage these in order to make new friendships or strengthen existing ones.

#2 - The golden rule of friendship.

'Make people feel good about themselves.'

“People will forget what you said and what you did. But they will never forget the way you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou.

Give people sincere, authentic compliments. If you search for something to brighten someone’s day, you will find it. They will notice, and appreciate it. 

Men have immense pressure from society to have everything in their lives together. We play the very stressful game of balance. When we have been working especially hard at something, having someone notice and point it out has an immensely powerful and long lasting effect on the relationship.

#3 - Train with a mate.

Training releases a powerful hormone called dopamine. This feel-good chemical can be leveraged with surprising potency when trying to win over a potential romantic partner, or strengthen the bond between mates. 

Blood is thicker than water, and sweat is thicker than blood. 

Training  with a mate or a group of guys is a great way of getting fitter, increasing confidence and boosting testosterone levels through friendly competition. It’s also a way to make new friends and solidify mate-lationships.

#4 - Ask for a favour, and be vulnerable.

Asking a friend for assistance or a favour is a great way of strengthening a relationship. Men love to help, we are solution orientated creatures. Keep the favour small. It builds a reciprocal understanding that you can be relied on to help in the future too. This also builds trust. They can depend on you.

Be vulnerable. Have you ever had one of those deep, usually alcohol assisted conversations with a mate that you will never forget? You shared some of your deepest fears, your perceived shortcomings or some adversity in your past. Chances are, they reciprocated and you learned things about each other that made the friendship that much deeper and more meaningful. It shows trust and communication.

#5 - Go on a Bro-venture.

2020 is going to be an incredibly busy year. For everyone. Make the time. Plan events with friends. Go on adventures. Getting away from the chaotic, social media dominated world with a couple of mates will be one of the best things you do next year. Find some friends and start planning.

Just a quick thank you to all of those gentlemen that have taken the time to reach out, connect and tolerate my crazy workout ideas! You know who you are.

(Some of the concepts above come from the new book “the like switch.”) 
Written by Jack Schafer. An excellent piece of writing that I highly recommend.